Chances Gone By
by Adrienne2
Summary: Revisement of my previous story.
1. Part I

"Chances Gone By"

"Chances Gone By"

By Adrienne

Spoilers: Everything through season seven, and predictions for season eight.

Author's Note: Takes place right after season seven ends.Thanks to Adeline for coming up with the title.

A familiar figure walked through the ambulance bay of Cook County General Hospital. She paused a moment, taking in the sights and sounds she had so sorely missed. It had been too long. Four and a half years to be exact. Okay, maybe not an eternity, but it sure felt like it. Chicago was home, the best and worst times of her life had been spent here. The wind blew her short blonde-brown hair, and she closed her eyes, remembering all the times she had stood here waiting for an ambulance or trying to find a quiet spot in the midst of chaos.

Walking through the doors, everything was the same. The same smell, atmosphere, and strange jumble of staff, patients and policemen. Whoever said you can't go home was certainly wrong. She was back, and here to stay.

The woman walked up to the admit desk where Randi was playing computer solitaire and chewing bubble gum.

"Randi?" the woman asked.

Randi looked up, annoyed, but then smiled, recognizing the figure. "Dr. Lewis!"

"Hey, how are you?"

"Good. What are you doing here?"

"I'm back to work. Is Kerry around?"

"Yeah, she's off somewhere disciplining the residents."

Susan smiled, happy that things hadn't changed a bit during the time she was in Phoenix. She walked into the lounge, and the past came flooding back. All the hours she had spent in here, worrying about work, dealing with Dr. Kaysen, talking with Mark Greene…she looked at the names on the lockers. Some were familiar, others she didn't recognize. Carter, Greene, Chen, Benton…God she had missed this place and these people. The door opened, and Susan turned around to come face to face with Kerry Weaver.

"Susan," she said, embracing her.

"Kerry. It's been too long."

"That it has. When Randi said you were here, I couldn't believe it. What are you doing here?"

"They didn't tell you?" Susan asked, surprised.

"Tell me what," said Kerry, rather confused.

"I've been hired as an attending here in the ER."

"No, I wasn't informed," Kerry replied, obviously chagrined. "Who exactly did you speak with?"

"A Dr. Robert Romano? He was pretty arrogant when I talked to him."

"Ah, yes, our Chief of Staff. I'll have to have a little talk with him."

"When did Morganstern leave?"

"About a year after you."

"Are you mad?"

"Of course not. Why would I be?" Kerry asked, rather transparently.

"Well, you know, we weren't exactly on the best terms when I was here before as a resident."

"Hopefully that's all in the past," Kerry told her with a smile. "I imagine you want to catch up with everyone."

"Of course. Is Mark around?"

"Yeah, I think he's just finishing up with a trauma. Let's go and find him."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mark Greene called the time of death and sighed. That was the third death today. Another victim of drunk driving. He pulled the latex gloves and trauma gown off, leaving them on the floor and walked out with his head down. His head was pounding, he wanted nothing more than to go home and forget about the stresses and pressures of work. There had been a time, years ago, when he loved this place and would willingly take extra shifts, no matter now tired he was. But now it was different; he was different.

Suddenly he felt a change in the air, and a tingling in his chest. What was it?

"Mark!"

He looked up, hearing a familiar voice. She was standing there, beautiful as ever, as if it was still 1996 and nothing had changed. 

"Susan?" he choked out, barely believing she was there.

She stood there, grinning, taking this moment in and savoring it. Mark walked towards slowly her and they embraced. 

"God, I've missed you," he said.

"I know. I've missed you too," she replied when they pulled away.

"I can't believe you're here. Why didn't you call?"

"Wanted to surprise you."

"Are you on vacation or something?"

"No, actually, I'm working here. Evidently Kerry didn't know either."

"Back here? That's great!" They both smiled, and embraced again, giddy with the joy of a reunion.

"Mark," an English accent called out. Mark turned around to see his wife, Elizabeth Corday walking towards them, carrying their baby Ella.

"Elizabeth, I want you to meet someone. This is Dr. Susan Lewis. We used to work together during our residency."

"Very nice to meet you," Elizabeth said, shaking her hand.

"Likewise," Susan said, barely hiding her surprise.

"And this is our baby girl, Ella," Mark told her with pride, taking the baby from Elizabeth.

"She's beautiful, Mark…I'm so happy for you both." Susan smiled, hoping it sounded sincere, but truthfully her heart was aching fiercely.

"Well, I'd better take her up to the nursery. I'm late on my first day back—Robert will kill me," Elizabeth said, taking the baby back. "I'll leave you two to get reacquainted. It was very nice to meet you, Susan. Bye Mark," she said, kissing him goodbye and walking towards the elevators.

"Wow Mark, I had no idea you remarried," Susan said, still shocked.

"Well…we never really kept in touch."

"No, we didn't…how long have you been married?"

"Just a few months."

"Is she a doctor here?"

"Associate Chief of Surgery. She's just coming back from maternity leave."

They were interrupted by Luka Kovac, who was coming in with another trauma. "Mark, there's another one rolling up, GSW to the leg."

"Okay, got it," Mark replied. "Well, some things never change. Got to get back to work. When do you start?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Can we get together tonight? You can come over to our house for dinner, I'll invite a bunch of the old gang."

"That'd be great, I'd love it."

"Here's our address," he said, writing it down quickly. "About seven?"

"See you then." They hugged one last time and then Mark was rushed into the trauma room. Susan went back tot he hotel where she was temporarily staying until her apartment was ready, and thought. She couldn't believe Mark was married again, with a baby. Of course, what did she expect? That he would pine after her for years since she left? It was silly to think that he would still be single and in love with her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kerry Weaver stormed up to Robert Romano's office, not bothering to check in with his secretary. She pushed the door open, to find him sitting at his desk doing paperwork.

"Dr. Weaver. How kind of you to knock," he said in his usual sarcastic tone.

"Robert, when you hire a new attending for my department, I would appreciate it if you would tell me," Kerry fumed, practically yelling.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Susan Lewis!"

"Oh yeah," he said, remembering. "Sorry, I've been so busy I forgot to tell you."

"Or neglected to tell me?" Kerry asked.

"Now, why on earth would I do that, Dr. Weaver?"

"I don't know, Robert. Why don't you tell me? Could it be blatant discrimination? Homophobia perhaps?"

"Why, that would imply that I was a bigot," he said darkly, becoming offended. "And you wouldn't want to imply that, would you, Kerry?"

"Of course not," she said, knowing she had gone too far.

"As much as I enjoy our little conversations, I'm afraid I have a meeting, so if you'll excuse me."

"Of course," Kerry replied, gritting her teeth and heading out the door.

"Oh, Dr. Weaver," Robert called.

"Yes?" she said, turning around.

"After giving it some consideration, I rehired your precious Dr. Legaspi."

Kerry smiled in surprise. "Good."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Abby Lockhart walked into the lounge, exhausted after a day full of abusive parents, drunks and food poisoning. She was pouring herself a cup of coffee when she felt two arms wrap themselves around her waist. She jumped back slightly, and smiled at Luka.

"Hey," she said.

"HI," he replied, kissing her neck. "Only one hour left and we have the whole weekend to spend together."

"Mmm…sounds wonderful."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Maybe a little of this," she said kissing his neck.

"Oh, that's nice," Luka sighed.

"And a little of this," Abby said as she reached his lips with her own and kissed him. Luka deepened the kiss, but they were interrupted by Carter, who walked in.

"Sorry," Carter said sheepishly when he saw them.

"It's okay," Luka said. "I should get back to work. See you later, Abby," he told her and walked out.

Abby and Carter stood there, avoiding each other's eyes, both sensing the awkwardness that was thick in the air.

"How've you been?" Abby finally asked.

"Fine…you?"

"Fine…"

"Well, I should get back out there," he said uncomfortably.

"Carter, wait!" Abby called after him. "We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," he said coldly.

"Yes there is, Carter! We can't go on forever not talking to each other!"

"Well, we've done it so far. No reason we can't keep on doing it," he told her and stormed out, bumping into Jing-Mei. 

"Hey, slow down John!"

"Sorry Deb."

"Bad day?" She asked sympathetically.

"You could say that," he replied grumpily.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Sure, Doc Magoo's?"

"I'll meet you there in five minutes," Jing-Mei replied.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Carter walked into Doc Magoo's a few minutes later, and saw Jing-Mei sitting in a booth. She was looking out the window wistfully, and he noticed the sadness in her eyes. She had been such a good friend to him since her return to County, he really needed to start returning the favor.

"Hey Deb, thanks for meeting me."

"No problem," she replied, snapping out of her reverie. "I took the liberty of ordering you some coffee."

"Thanks," he said picking up the cup.

"So what's bothering you?"

"A lot of things. Losing the Chief Residency, I've been looking around for positions at other hospitals. And Abby."

"You two have a fight?"

"Yeah…I'm pretty sure I've screwed things up between us."

"Could I ask what the fight was about?"

"Well, actually it was me…I told her I didn't want to be her friend anymore."

"Why did you say that?"

"…Because I was jealous…"

"Of?" Jing-Mei asked, pushing him.

"Kovac."

Ah, now it all makes sense, she thought. "You wanted more than friendship with Abby?"

"…Yeah…I don't want to hurt her, but I guess I already have."

"Talk to her, it's not too late to save your friendship. But John…I've seen her with Kovac…I think he really does make her happy."

"Thanks, Deb," he replied giving her a smile.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Abby lay in bed that night in Luka's arms after they made love. It was early, but they were both exhausted from the day's events. She was quiet, and Luka sensed something was wrong.

"Abby?" he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Of course," she replied quietly.

He expected that answer, so he tried another approach. "Is something wrong between you and Carter?"

"Why do you ask?"

"It's just that you two are such good friends, and lately you haven't talked to each other and it's almost like you're avoiding him."

Abby was quiet, not sure if she wanted to tell Luka what had transpired between her and Carter. "…We just had a fight, that's all…"

"Oh," Luka said, sure that there was something else. "What was it about?"

She was silent, and Luka knew she was debating about whether or not to tell him. "…It wasn't really a fight, actually…he told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore," she said, and the hurt was painfully apparent in her voice.

"Why did he say that?" Luka asked, surprised Carter would do something like that. As much as he didn't like the guy, Luka had to admit Carter was a great friend to Abby.

"He said he didn't want to wish bad things on us…and that he couldn't keep on being my friend…"

"Oh," Luka said, understanding what she had told him, even though she didn't come straight out and say it. 

"Don't be mad," Abby told him.

"I'm not, darling," he said, using a term of affection that they only used when they were alone like this. "I'm just sorry. I know how much his friendship meant to you."

"I don't know what to do…" Abby said, feeling lost.

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yeah, but he just says that there's nothing to talk about."

"Maybe he just needs some time," Luka suggested.

"Maybe."

"Is there anything I can do? Any way I can help?"

"Just hold me," she whispered vulnerably.

"Always," he replied.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'm not angry, Mark. I just wish you had given me more notice," Elizabeth said as she hurriedly set the table.

I'm sorry," he said. "Everything will be fine, though."

"How many people did you say were coming?"

"Well, Carter, Kerry, Benton and Cleo, Chen, Lydia and Haleh could come."

"Why did you invite Cleo?" Elizabeth asked grumpily.

"She was there when I invited Benton," Mark explained. "It would've been rude."

"I suppose."

"Be nice."

"I really don't like her. No personality whatsoever," she said as the doorbell rang. "Oh God, they're here already!"

Mark opened the door to find Susan standing there. "Am I too early?" she asked. "I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find your house, so I left a little before I had to."

"No, you're right on time," Mark told her, ushering her in. "Elizabeth, Susan is here!"

"Coming," Elizabeth called from the kitchen. She bustled in carrying Ella. "Nice to see you again, Susan."

"You too," Susan said as a bell went off in the kitchen.

"I'll go get that," Mark told them. "You two stay here and get to know one another."

Susan and Elizabeth sat down on opposite sides of the room, and looked awkwardly at one another.

Elizabeth was the first to break the ice. "Mark said you used to work together in the ER."

"Yeah, we were both residents. I met him just after we graduated from med school."

"How long were you at County?"

"About four and a half years, then I moved out to Phoenix."

"What made you come back?"

"A combination of things. My parents are getting older, so I wanted to be closer to them. Just looking for a change, I guess. I missed Chicago a lot."

Ella began to fuss, and Elizabeth slowly rocked her until the baby's cries subsided.

"How old is Ella?" Susan inquired.

"She's four months next week," Elizabeth told her proudly.

"She's beautiful."

"Thank you," Elizabeth said as the doorbell rang.

"Stay there," Susan told her, "I'll get the door."

"Thanks, I'd actually better go put Ella to bed."

At the door stood Carter, Chen, Kerry, Lydia and Haleh, who all embraced Susan amidst a chorus of "I've missed you", "It's been too long" and "Good to see you."

"God I'm happy to see all of you," Susan said, almost moved to tears of joy. "Deb, when did you come back to County?"

"About a year and a half ago," she replied.

"And it's not Deb anymore," Carter put in. "It's Jing-Mei."

"That's funny coming from the one person who still calls me Deb," Jing-Mei told him as Mark walked in to greet them.

"Hey. Dinner's almost ready, so you can all come into the dining room," Mark said and led them down the hallway.

"You have a beautiful house, Mark," Kerry remarked.

"Thanks. We've been living here for almost nine months and we're still not unpacked."

"Tell me about it," Lydia said. "I have unopened boxes from when I moved in with Al after we got married four years ago."

Elizabeth came down the stairs into the dining room. "Hello, everyone," she said merrily. "Peter and Cleo not here yet?"

"Nope," Mark replied, knowing that answer pleased Elizabeth. Just then the doorbell rang.

"Speak of the devil," Elizabeth said with a grim smile of dread.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A few hours later after they were finished with dinner, the group still sat around the table, talking of old times.

"Remember that one time when se put a cast on Carter's leg while he was asleep?" Mark laughed. "I think that was when he was still a third-year."

"How could I forget?" Susan chuckled. "He had to go through an entire mass casualty with that thing on because he had to wait for it to dry so he could cut it off."

"That wasn't funny!" Carter protested. "No one would help me saw it off, and then some motorcyclist took the liberty of cutting it off me." They all laughed at Carter's chagrined expression.

"It wasn't funny!" he insisted. "I was always the one they picked on! Doug used my butt as a backboard for basketball in the lounge when it was too cold to play outside!"

"You're pathetic, Carter," Jing-Mei laughed.

"Me?" he asked incredulously. "I'm not the one who forgot to use a lubricant when I did a rectal and got my hand caught up some guy's butt!"

"No one ever warned me!"

"Seems like I missed out on a lot," Elizabeth said.

"Those were great times," Mark reminisced. "Me, Doug, Carol, Susan, Jeanie, Peter, Carter and Kerry…it sure has changed."

"Is Jeanie still around?" Susan asked.

"She left almost two years ago. She remarried and adopted an HIV positive baby named Carlos," Kerry told her.

"Wow," Susan remarked. "Who else is gone?"

"Doug and Carol," Benton said.

"Yeah, I've kept in touch with Carol. I'm glad she and Doug were finally able to work things out," Susan said.

"That was one saga that took nine years to work out," Mark commented. "You guys remember all of the times we'd find them making out in the drug lockup or Doug arguing with Taglieri?"

"Who's Taglieri?" Cleo inquired.

"That was Carol's fiancé," Susan told her. "He stood her up at he altar."

"I remember that wedding," Haleh said. "Everyone went on with the reception as if there had been a ceremony.

"Those were good times," Lydia commented. "When Morganstern was still Chief, Doug and Carol were here, and Carter was still a third-year. Do you remember him back then? He was just a little kid, and look at him now, all grown up!"

"Thanks, Lydia," Carter said, pretending to blush.

"Not to mention before Romano took over and began his reign of terror," Kerry quipped.

"What is this Romano guy like anyway?" Susan asked. "I've only talked to him over the phone."

"He's short," Mark said.

"And bald," Lydia put in.

"Bigoted," added Kerry.

"A racist little Nazi," Peter complained.

"Wow, I'm really looking forward to meeting him now," Susan said sarcastically.

"You know, he actually made me operate on his dog," Elizabeth told them to much laughter.

"His dog?!" Chen laughed. "Wow, I haven't heard that one. I'll have to tell my mom so she can spread it around at the next surgical conference."

"Well, I hate to ruin the party, but I have an early shift tomorrow," Carter said.

"Me too," Kerry said.

"Actually, Al's expecting me home pretty soon," Lydia told them. "You need a ride, Haleh?"

"Yeah, that'd be great," she replied.

"I should be off too," Jing-Mei told them. "Thank you for dinner, I had a wonderful time."

"Yes, thank you for having us," Kerry said, as they all got their coats and headed for the door.

"Bye Peter…Cleo," Elizabeth said, trying to hide her distaste. After she closed the door, there was a somewhat awkward silence between the three doctors. "Well, I'm going to go check on Ella," Elizabeth said. "Why don't you two talk in the living room and catch up?"

"Thanks, Elizabeth," Mark replied, glad he finally had a chance to talk to Susan alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As Peter and Cleo were driving home that night, the atmosphere was thick with tension. Things hadn't been the same since the day Derek Fossen went on his shooting spree and Roger had punched Peter in the ER, and Cleo had been exposed to HIV positive blood. Peter couldn't stand the silence any longer. "Cleo?" He said and she still sat silently. "Cleo," he repeated, and she looked over, giving him a small smile.

"Yeah?" was all she said. What else was there really to say? Their relationship had been like this for so long that she couldn't remember why they were still together.

"Is everything okay?"

"…I got my test results."

Peter's breath caught, he didn't want to hear this news. He cleared his throat and looked into her eyes. "What did they say?"

"…I'm HIV positive," Cleo replied, still numb from the shock of the news. Peter sat silently, unsure of what to say. 

"It's okay, Peter, you don't have to say anything. I'm used to it." With that she opened the door and walked out, with Peter staring after her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Just like old times, huh?" Mark asked as they sat down.

"Some of it…"

"So why did you come back to Chicago," he inquired. They were both uncomfortable and unsure of what to say.

"I missed it…I missed everything about it from the moment I arrived in Phoenix…"

"How's Chloe and the baby?"

"Chloe's actually part of the reason I came back." Mark raised his eyebrows not understanding. "Last New Year's, Chloe and her husband Joe—do you remember him?—anyway, they went out for dinner, and on their way home, they were hit by a drunk driver…and killed."

"God, I'm sorry Susan," he said, embracing her.

Her voice was choked with tears at the memory of it. "It's kind of ironic isn't it, them being killed by a drunk driver."

Mark laughed a little. "I see you still have the same sense of humor."

"Yeah, unfortunately."

"What about little Susie?"

"She's not little anymore, she's seven years old, and so smart! She's just beautiful…So I guess I got what I finally wanted, I got to adopt Susie…After Chloe and Joe died, it just wasn't the same…we both needed a change, there were too many memories in Phoenix."

"Where is she right now?"

"She's staying with my folks until I get my apartment ready…I've missed this so much…I just want to be happy again, the way it was before, you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean…too much has changed."

"Are you happy?" Susan asked, in her usual straightforward way.

If anyone but Susan had asked him that question, he would have answered, "Of course," but instead he said, "Sometimes I'm not sure…"

"Well…I should get going."

"I'm so glad you're back, Susan," Mark told her. "It just hasn't been the same without you…you were my best friend, and I've missed that. The way we used to talk for hours, and tell each other everything."

"So have I," Susan replied. "I do regret going sometimes…I still think about that day at Union Station…"

"Me too," Mark admitted. He embraced her for the last time that night and Susan left as he watched her drive away through the window. Elizabeth had watched the entire scene from the top of the stairs, and slowly crept to their bedroom, where she got ready to go to sleep. When Mark joined her, she was trying to act like nothing was wrong, but he knew her too well.

"What's the matter, Lizabeth?" he asked her softly.

"Nothing."

"Tell me…please Elizabeth. I know something's wrong."

"It's nothing…I don't know. Maybe I'm a little jealous," she admitted.

"Of what?" Mark asked.

"Susan," she replied, as if it was obvious. "Why is it that you never talked about her, like you talked about Doug and Carol? You two sounded like you were best friends."

"We were…but it was different when she left."

"How?"

"I didn't want her to leave…and I guess talking about it is just too painful sometimes," he explained, hiding some of the truth from her.

"Okay," Elizabeth said, accepting his answer, knowing he wasn't telling her everything. "I'm sorry, it's silly really…I just want you to be mine, I suppose."

"I am," he reassured her. "Never doubt that." But as they fell asleep that night, his mind wandered to Susan and what might have been if she hadn't left that day at Union Station.


	2. Part II

"Chances Gone By: Part II" 

"Chances Gone By: Part II"

By: Adrienne

Spoilers: All spoilers for season eight so far.

Summary: Season eight predictions and speculation.

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so long, but with school and extra curricular activities, I have very little extra time. Also, thanks to Adeline for the title!

Time goes by so quickly, Susan mused. Actually, in retrospect life goes by quickly, while you're in the moment it seems like an eternity, a never-ending hour or day or year of hell. Looking back on her life, especially the past few years, she simply couldn't believe all that had happened. The problems in med school, her residency, Susie being born, Chloe taking Susie away, the move to Phoenix… Mark… And now she was back in Chicago, Susie was seven years old, and Mark was married with a baby.

"So you'll pick me up right after school," little Susie asked for the millionth time that morning. 

"Yes, Susie, I will, don't worry about it," her aunt replied. "Are you nervous?"

Susie fidgeted with her seatbelt and shrugged. "I don't know," she said nonchalantly. "Are you nervous, starting your first day of work?"

Susan thought for a moment. "No, not at all. You know, you may not remember it, but you used to spend tons of time in the ER and at the hospital."

"When?" Susie inquired, interested in this place that her aunt was so excited about.

"When you were just a little baby," Susan told her. "You were the cutest little thing and everyone adored you."

"Was that when I lived with you?"

"Yup," Susan smiled, remembering how happy she was for those few months.

"I wish I could remember that. Will you take me there soon?"

"Sure, if you want. You'll have to be in daycare sometimes though after school, but on the weekends you'll get to stay with Grandma and Grandpa."

"Grandma doesn't like it when I call her 'Grandma.'"

"Well, she never really liked being called 'Mom' either, I guess. It made her feel old or something."

"That's really silly," Susie laughed.

"Yeah, it is," Susan replied, shaking her head. "Okay we're here," she announced, stopping in front of Susie's new school. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

Susie thought for a moment, and then decided. "No, I can go by myself."

"Are you sure?" Susan asked, worried.

"Yeah…I just miss my old school and all my friends."

"I know you do, sweetie, but you'll make plenty of new friends here, and I bet you'll like this school even better."

Susie looked at her skeptically. "Maybe."

"I love you, Suse," she said, giving her niece a hug and a kiss.

"I love you, too," Susie replied, getting out of the car.

"Have a good day," Susan called after her, and the little girl waved back. Susan watched her walk in through the doors and her smile faded. She was growing up too fast. When Susie was a baby and still living with her, that was the best time of her life, Susan mused. She was exhausted constantly, stressed out, worried she wasn't a good enough mother, scared Chloe would take Susie away, harassed by Kerry Weaver… But she had Susie, and she was happy. Now she had Susie back, but it was different. Chloe and Joe had been responsible after all, they had been great parents for Susie, and now she would have to grow up without them. Now she would have to be a good mother. Now she would have to learn how to be happy again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cleo sat in the lounge at a table waiting for Kerry Weaver. She had something important to tell her boss, and she needed to do it soon. HIV+, HIV+, it was all she could think about for the past few days. What would she do now? 

As Cleo looked nervously around the lounge she thought about her time at County. This place had never really been her home, she never had any real friends, she never really felt accepted. Then there had been Peter. He remained as mysterious to her as the first day they met. Alternately cold and caring, without explanation or warning. But she loved him nevertheless. And now that was another thing lost.

Maybe she shouldn't have moved from Indiana, away from her parents. She had been in search of independence, something she desperately needed, and now, more than anything, she needed to be able to depend upon someone.She needed to go home.

Kerry walked into the lounge. "You wanted to see me, Cleo?"

"Yeah, Kerry, thanks," Cleo replied solemnly.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Um…I…I'm leaving County."

"What? Why?" Kerry asked, confused and worried.

"I'm HIV+, from being exposed to the AIDS patient's blood," Cleo told her quietly, still numb from the news.

"Oh, Cleo," Kerry said, lost for words. "I'm so sorry…But why do you want to quit? Just because you're HIV+ doesn't mean you can't be a good doctor."

"I know, but…I'd like to move back to Indiana, be closer to my family. I'm going to stay with my parents for a while, sort things out. There's really nothing keeping me here."

"What about Peter?" Kerry asked. "I thought you two were together."

"That's over," Cleo replied in a choked voice. "It just didn't work out…But anyway, I just wanted to give you my two week notice."

"I wish you would reconsider," Kerry said reproachfully.

"I've thought about it a lot and…I think it's for the best."

"I understand that this must be a very emotional time, so if you'd like to leave before the two weeks are up, you can."

"I want to leave Chicago as soon as possible."

"Okay…We'll miss you here, Cleo."

"Thanks, Kerry." With that Weaver walked out of the room, leaving Cleo alone again. The younger doctor sighed and let a few tears fall. This hospital may not have ever been home, but good-byes had always been hard for her. And although she had never really been accepted into the close-knit circle of friends, though she may not even have been liked, it was sad to be leaving nonetheless.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Luka awoke to a sunny Chicago day and smiled. He and Abby had the whole weekend off, to enjoy to themselves without the distractions of work. He looked over at Abby and her figure was still, but he heard sniffling and saw her wipe her eyes on the pillowcase. 

"Abby?" Luka whispered. "Abby, why are you crying?"

"I'm not," she said quickly, wiping her eyes.

"Yes, you are. What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Luka sighed. It was always like this. Abby wouldn't share anything with him, wouldn't tell him how she felt, and it was frustrating. Infuriating, actually.

"Why won't you tell me?" he asked.

"Because there's nothing to tell."

"Have you talked to Carter?"

"It's not about Carter."

"Are you not happy? Did I do something wrong? Is it something at work?" Luka inquired. He needed an answer.

Abby sighed. "It's everything and nothing, Luka."

He hated those vague kinds of answers. "Abby, please tell me."

"I already told you, there's nothing to tell," she replied, and with that she got out of bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door. Luka rubbed his temples. This was not exactly how he pictured them spending the weekend. What was wrong with Abby? Why wouldn't she tell him? He heard the water running and was going to go into the bathroom to confront her, but decided against it. The last thing he needed was for Abby to be angry with him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Elizabeth looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Only a few more pregnancy pounds to shed, and she'd be back to normal. She heard Mark talking to Ella in the next room and smiled. Everything was going so well, she wondered when something would go wrong. Elizabeth thought back to Mark's friend, Susan Lewis. There was something there that was bothering her, something in the way she and Mark looked at each other that made her jealous. 

Mark interrupted her thoughts. "Are you almost ready, Elizabeth?"

"Yes, have you gotten all of Ella's things together?" She asked, walking up to Mark and their daughter. Suddenly the doorbell rang and they looked at each other. "Who could that be?" Elizabeth wondered.

"I have no idea. Here, you take Ella," Mark said handing her the baby and giving her a quick kiss. "I'll get the door. 

Mark walked down the stairs to the front door humming. Everything was great. Elizabeth was happy, Ella was beautiful and Susan was back. Nothing could be better. He opened the door and was shocked to see who stood before him.

"Hi Dad," Rachel said, holding a suitcase and duffel bag in her hands.

"What are you doing here? Is something wrong?" he immediately asked, ushering her into the house.

"No, nothing's wrong…I just…I ran away from Mom," Rachel replied, a little guiltily.

"Mark, who is it," Elizabeth called from upstairs.

"Uh, I think you'd better come down here," Mark said, confused as to why his daughter had run away from his ex-wife.

Elizabeth came down the stairs holding Ella and carrying a diaper bag. "Rachel! What a lovely surprise! What on earth are you doing here?" She asked, embracing the girl.

"Hi Elizabeth," Rachel said rather sourly. "Hi Ella," she told her half-sister, tickling her neck. Ella squealed in delight.

"Rach, are you going to tell me why you ran away from your mother?" Mark asked, rather chagrined.

"Ran away? Rachel, you didn't!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"She and Craig were completely unfair, they treated me like I was a baby, but they let Amanda do anything she wants and she's only a year older than me! Amanda would get away with everything and anything that went wrong would get blamed on me! I hate them! All Mom cared about was her precious Craig and being a lawyer," Rachel said all of this very quickly, getting quite upset and near tears.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down honey," Mark said, embracing her.

"Can I live with you, Dad?" she asked, looking up at her father as she did when she was a little girl and there was a toy she especially wanted.

Mark looked over uncertainly at Elizabeth, who nodded rather willingly. "Of course you can, sweetie." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Susan walked into the ER for her first day back at County. It was a quiet morning, which was just fine with her. She saw Amira working at the computer, Lily and Chuny chatting by the admit desk, and Carter working on some charts.

"Susan," Chuny squealed when she saw her, and ran up to give her a hug. 

"Good to see you back," Amira said.

"Hey Susan," Carter greeted her. "Ready to get back to work in County's ER?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Susan replied.

"Hi Susan," Kerry said, walking up.

"Kerry."

"Uh, you'll need to meet with Dr. Romano and then I'll have Carter give you the tour, as there have been some changes over the years that you were gone."

"Okay," Susan replied, anxious to get back to work and see exactly what was different.

"Dr. Romano should be down shortly," Kerry told her, and walked off to deal with a drunk that was wandering the halls naked.

"Oh girl, you're in for a treat," Chuny laughed.

"Come on, he can't be that bad," Susan said, now slightly nervous.

"Yeah right," Lily told her. "Remember when Weaver first came here?"

"Of course."

"Kerry's an angel compared to Romano," Carter said.

"Oh, great," Susan replied sarcastically.

"I'm getting out of here before he shows up," Chuny said walking off with Lily and Carter.

"Hello troops, how are we doing this morning?" Romano said as he stepped off the elevator. "You must be Susan Lewis," he said extending his hand while he rather obviously checked her out.

"Yes, we spoke on the phone."

"Even prettier than I expected."

"Kerry said you wanted to speak with me?"

"Not so much to speak, as to meet. I never let an opportunity pass me by."

"Opportunity?" Susan questioned.

"Yes, the opportunity to meet someone who may become my future spouse and wait on me hand and foot," he replied rather pompously with a smile.

"Well, Dr. Romano, it was very nice meeting you, but if you'll excuse me, I'd like to start seeing patients," Susan told him and walked off.

"Hard to get," Romano said to himself as he watched her walk down the hall. "Just the way I like my women."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Luka sat in Abby's kitchen drinking coffee and watching CNN when she emerged from the bedroom. The sorrow was still visible in her eyes, but a smile was pasted on her face.

"Hey," Luka said tentatively.

"Hi," she replied. "Look, I'm sorry about before…I just…I don't know how to say things sometimes."

Luka got up and walked towards her. "You can talk to me, Abby. You know that, don't you?"

She looked up at him uncertainly. "I know, but I'm just not the sort of person who likes to talk about their every emotion."

"You don't talk to me about your every emotion, you don't talk to me at all!"

Abby felt the anger rising inside her. This is not what she needed right now, but they might as well get this fight over with. "It's not like you're that much better at communicating, Luka! Half the time I feel like I'm the only one in this relationship!"

"Are you saying it's all my fault?"

"I'm not blaming you, Luka…"

"Do you really know what you want right now Abby?"

This question surprised her and she was taken aback. She thought for a moment, for she truly did not know the answer, or how to even respond. "No…" she said at last. "Do you?"

"Yes," Luka replied immediately, and with some passion. "I want you to be happy. I want _us_ to be happy. I want us both to be able to leave our pasts behind and move on."

"I am happy," Abby replied weakly.

"No, you're not. You and I both know that."

"Luka, I just need some time to sort this out."

"With Carter?" he asked, his anger flaring after he had tried to be patient.

"Is that what this is about? Carter?" Abby demanded.

"Why can you talk to him, but not to me? What is it that makes you go to him whenever you have a problem, and prevents you from confiding the smallest thing to me?"

"I talk to him because he's my friend! That's all he is, a friend! You never really seemed to notice or care before who I talked to."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. For months you would barely speak to me, but I stayed with you because I cared about you, even though you weren't there for me! I had no one to talk to, so I talked to Carter."

"Abby, I do care about you! But after that night…I just didn't know what to do. It was like starting all over again…I don't want to lose you Abby, but maybe we need to take a break for a while."

"You mean break up?" 

"Is that what you want?" Luka asked soberly.

"I…I don't know."

"I hope that someday you can learn how to be happy, Abby, because…I love you. I do, and maybe things would be different if…" He shook his head. "Goodbye." With that he walked out of her apartment, and out of her life, leaving Abby stunned and in tears.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You're sure you're okay with this?" Mark asked Elizabeth an hour later as they walked into the lounge. They had left Rachel at home and settled Ella into daycare.

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, it's just that you and Rachel haven't gotten along very well so far."

"This provides us with the perfect opportunity to get to know each other better, Mark, I don't see why you're so apprehensive about this."

"Rachel can be a handful, that's all I'm saying," Mark replied.

"I'm perfectly aware of it."

"Okay, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into." Elizabeth nodded affirmatively. "I'd better go tell Jenn, and let her know that Rachel's with us."

"See you later," Elizabeth said, giving him a kiss.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jing-Mei stood at her locker, putting her lab coat on and getting ready to leave work. She hummed to herself, and sighed. All the stress, lack of sleep…maybe this Chief Residency wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But at least she was busy, and didn't have too much time to think, because when she let her mind wander, it always wandered to the baby she gave up. What if she had kept him? What if he came back someday asking why she had given him up? What would she say? Reaching into her bag, Jing-Mei took out several photos. His adoptive mother had sent them to her the previous spring. Sometimes she couldn't help but stare at the pictures and wonder what it would be like if she were the smiling mother in that picture. 

Jing-Mei's thoughts were interrupted by Carter, who walked into the lounge.

"Hey Deb," he greeted her cheerfully.

"Hi John. You off?" 

"Yes, thank God. I didn't think I was going to make it." John noticed the photos in her hand. "What are those?"

"Oh…they're just…" Jing-Mei thought for a moment. Well, if there was anyone she could confide in, it would be John. "They're of Michael."

The name took a moment to register in John's mind, but then he remembered. "He is beautiful, Deb," John told her looking at the pictures of a smiling infant. He had her eyes.

She nodded her head and felt the tears well up.

"Hey, hey, hey," he said, embracing her. "It's okay, it's okay."

"I know…I just can't help thinking about him," Jing-Mei told him. "I mean, what kind of person am I, to give up my own baby?"

"Deb, you made a choice. It was tough and responsible. You made two people very happy in the process. It takes such a strong woman to do that; I know I would never find the strength."

"Thank you, John," she told him wiping the tears from her face.

"You up for some ice cream?" He asked, trying to cheer her up.

"I'd like that."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Susan looked at the clock. Noon already. She started for Doc Magoo's and saw Mark on his way out.

"Hey," he said. "You on lunch break?"

"Yeah, I was just heading over to Doc Magoo's."

"Great, me too."

Looking at the menu, Susan smiled and realized it hadn't changed at all. They still had their greasy, fattening, disgusting food and bad coffee.

"How was your first day?" Mark asked.

"A little hard getting used to everything, but otherwise it's been great."

"Good." There was a moment of silence. They both had so much to say, so much to catch up on, yet neither knew how to say it.

"How long have you and Elizabeth been together?"

"We've been married for six months, but we dated for a year before that."

"Oh," was all Susan had in reply for that. Oh, what the hell, she might as well get this over with, she hated the awkwardness. "Look, Mark…I…I guess I thought it would be easier for me to come back than this…I never expected some of these things…I never thought…I guess I'm just surprised that you're married and with a baby, which is stupid, because why wouldn't you be? I left more than four years ago…I just don't want things to be uncomfortable between us…I want us to be able to talk to each other the way we used to."

Mark smiled. "I'm glad you said something first," he said and Susan laughed softly. "I didn't think you'd ever come back…When you left…when I lost you, it was like something in me had died, I just couldn't handle it…I didn't know what to do."

"In the first few months I was in Phoenix, I would do so much as pack up my things and buy a plane ticket, but then I would remember Little Susie, and how much I'd miss her, and how scared I was that Chloe would screw up…but the whole time I was there, I couldn't help but feel something was missing…I'm happy that you've found someone Mark. I really am."

"Elizabeth is wonderful, I don't know what I'd do without her. And I love our daughter. But I do think about Union Station, a lot more now since…There's something I have to tell you," Mark said with a serious expression and Susan found herself worried.

"Last Thanksgiving I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and on New Year's Eve I underwent successful surgery. I did immune therapy and radiation, and they gave me an estimate of eighteen months…That means I only have six months left…"

Susan looked at him, speechless, shocked. Her chest tightened, and she could feel the tears in her eyes, but forced them away. "I'm so sorry, Mark. I don't know what to say."

"In a way I'm lucky you came back when you did. I always wondered what it would be like if we saw each other again…if we'd feel the same..."

Then the tears came and Susan wiped them from her eyes. "Mark, don't…"

"Okay, I won't…I do love Elizabeth and I would never want to hurt her. I don't have that much time left, and seeing you again has been enough…I'm glad you came back," he said taking her hand.

"Me too…I'm sorry we never kept in touch."

"It was hard…I understand."

"I still talk to Carol, though, I was so happy for her and Doug," Susan said, trying to find a happier subject. 

"Yeah, some people do have happy endings…just not us." Mark looked deeply into her eyes and no words were needed. They both understood.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kerry walked into the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor. Her stomach churned in anticipation and worry. What would she say? How would Kim react? Kerry didn't have much time to muddle over these thoughts when the doors opened and she walked into the psychiatry department and headed for Kim's office. When she arrived at it, the door was slightly ajar, so she opened it to find Kim surrounded by boxes and papers scattered everywhere.

"Kim."

Kim turned around and saw Kerry standing in the doorway. She seemed surprised. "Hi Kerry."

"What's going on?" Kerry felt she already knew the answer, but had to hear the terrible news for herself.

"I'm leaving," Kim replied cautiously. "I got a job in San Francisco."

"I thought Romano hired you back."

"He did, but I quit."

"Why would you do that?" Kerry asked, confused.

"I don't want to work for a place that so openly despises my being here. I can't live like that, and there's really nothing to stay for, so…"

"I don't want you to leave, Kim," Kerry said in a shaky voice, unsure of herself and what she was exactly getting at.

"I don't see why it would matter to you whether or not I stay, Kerry," she replied coldly, but the pain was evident in her voice.

"Because I care about you. I've never had such a good friend."

"Is that what we were? Friends?" Kim asked, more than slightly hurt.

"No…we were more than that…I want you to stay."

"Why? So we can be _friends_ again? So you can go on hiding our relationship?"

"No. I want you to stay because I love you," Kerry blurted out, surprised with herself.

Kim looked at her with a similar reaction. "I love you too, Kerry…but I just can't stay here."

"What about another hospital in Chicago? Or a private practice?" She suggested, desperate. 

"I'm sure Romano has informed everyone in the state of Illinois that I'm a lesbian, and you know how people can be. I just want to go somewhere where no one knows who I am, where I can make a fresh start."

"Kim, I am asking you to stay…for me," Kerry pleaded, the despair clear in her voice. She was scared to death of losing her.

Kim walked toward Kerry and embraced her. "I can't Kerry, I'm sorry…Goodbye."

With that Kim walked out of her office in tears, leaving Kerry alone and heartbroken. For a fleeting moment, she thought of going after Kim, but then hesitated, remembering what her other chance decisions had cost her that day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I love walking through the streets at night, especially by the river," Jing-Mei said, as they walked over a bridge. 

"It's beautiful," Carter agreed.

"I had a great time today, John," she told him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. It's been a while since we've really spent some time together. I've missed that."

"Me too," she replied, smiling. They looked into each other's eyes, and slowly John leaned in to meet her lips. Jing-Mei closed her eyes and her breath caught in her throat as he wrapped his arms around her waist. John pulled back and smiled, watching her beautiful face.

"A perfect end to a perfect day."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Abby drove around the city for hours after Luka left her apartment that day. Her mind wasn't thinking clearly, nothing made sense anymore. What could she do? Show up on his doorstep like some pathetic romantic? She wouldn't degrade herself even further today.

What could she have done differently? Should she have been more patient? Of course she shouldn't have run to Carter with her problems, but it was just so complicated. She didn't know how to open up to Luka.

What hurt most about the things Luka said was that they were right. She didn't know what she wanted, she wasn't happy, she couldn't communicate with him. Thinking about it further, Abby was surprised that Luka didn't break up with her sooner. They both had so many differences, so much baggage, that it was a wonder the relationship had lasted that long. Deep down Abby knew the reason, though. She loved him, but didn't know how to say it, was scared to. And today Luka had said those three words to her, when it was all too late. The tears began running down Abby's face when there was a sudden screeching of tires, pain and then darkness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Peter sat in the surgeons' lounge after a long day of crabby patients, heartbroken families, and of course, Romano. All he wanted right now was to go pick up Reese from Carla and Roger's and go home. 

Shirley walked in, surprising Peter. "Sorry, Dr. Benton," she said. There was regret on her face, in her eyes. "Mercy just called. They need you to get to their ER immediately."

"Why, what happened?"

"Your son is there. There was an accident"

Peter sat there, shocked. Fear held his heart, hoping against hope that the worst hadn't happened. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know, they didn't give me details."

"Tell them I'll be right over," he told Shirley, running out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Luka closed his eyes, sighed and turned off the TV. He got up and stretched, then walked into the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror was a sorry sight. Rumpled hair, dirty clothes, tired eyes and a gloomy expression. He looked around the room, seeing so many things of Abby's. What had he done? Maybe it was for the best, but it sure didn't feel like it. But he wanted Abby to sort her life out, so perhaps later they could be happy together. If breaking up was the way to help her do that, so be it. He picked up a tissue from the counter, and went to throw it away when something in the wastebasket caught his attention. He bent down and picked up a pregnancy test and its box. Plus for positive, minus for negative. Hesitantly, nervously, he looked at the stick and saw a pink plus sign. Luka's hands shook and he dropped both items, not knowing what to do. Should he call Abby? Go to her house? Wait until he saw her at work? The decision didn't take long. He grabbed his shoes and walked out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Time for bed, Suse," Susan told her niece and turned off the TV.

"Do I have to?" She asked putting on her best pouting face, hoping for a later bedtime.

"Sorry, but you need your sleep, and it's after ten already."

"But there's no school tomorrow!"

"Come on, I'm not in the mood for arguing, I had a long day."

"Fine, fine," Susie grumbled walking toward her bedroom. She settled herself into her bed, and her aunt sat next to her.

"So you like your new school?" Susan asked.

"I guess so," Susie shrugged.

"Did you meet any nice kids?" she inquired hopefully.

"A couple."

Susan looked at her niece, understanding how hard this was for her. "It's going to be okay, Susie."

The young girl looked up at her, with tears in her eyes. "I miss Mom and Dad."

"I know, sweetie," she replied, taking Susie in her arms. "I miss them too…But we're going to have a good life. Just you and me, you'll see, just like it used to be. We did okay then, and we'll do okay now…You'll see."

"Okay," Susie said through tears.

"Sweet dreams," Susan told her, turning off the lamp and closing the door. She sighed as she walked down the hallway into her own room. Seven years ago this life had been her dream. Seven years ago she would have been happy. Seven years ago she _was_ happy. She couldn't help but wonder what her life would be like if Chloe had never come back for the baby, or if Chloe and Joe hadn't been killed. 

But they had been, and here she was, a single mother, back in Chicago, being harassed by Weaver, joking with Carter, and having heart-to-hearts with Mark at Doc Magoo's. It was almost the same, but all those small things were different. Weaver had softened over the years, Carter had grown up, and Mark…well Mark was still in love with her, but he was married…and dying. Just as she had come back, he was about to leave. What cruel irony fate had bestowed upon them.

Susan settled into her bed, and felt the tears burn in her eyes, but this time she made no effort to stop them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Peter ran into Mercy's ER at top speed, breathless, scared to death. He got to the admit desk and immediately began bombarding the clerk with questions. 

"Is my son here? Reese Benton, he's four years old, he's deaf. I got a call saying he was in some sort of accident."

"Ah, yes, Dr. Benton," the clerk said. "Your son is in exam two, I'll show you there."

"Thanks," Peter replied following the young man to the room where he saw Reese lying in a bed, with a few bandages on his arms and head.

"Daddy," Reese signed with excitement.

"What happened?"

"Mommy and I were in the car and there was a crash," he explained to Peter.

"Where is Mommy?"

"I don't know," Reese replied, obviously scared and confused.

"I'm going to go talk to the doctor, and I'll be right back," Peter signed. He kissed his son and was about to leave the room when a young female resident entered. 

"Dr. Benton?" she asked. "I'm Dr. Halina, I treated your wife, Carla."

"She's not my wife."

"Oh, I'm sorry…Is there a husband?" She inquired.

"Yeah, I called him on my way over here. What happened?"

"Perhaps I should wait for her husband."

"She is the mother of my son! I need to know what happened!"

"Can he understand me?" Dr. Halina asked, gesturing toward Reese.

"No," Peter replied, now thoroughly sure that the worst had happened.

"There was a drunk driver. Mrs. Simmons' car was hit straight on, and there was blunt head and chest trauma. She was unconscious at the scene, and we worked on her for over an hour, but we believe her aorta was torn. I'm very sorry, but she died."

Peter sunk onto a chair near him. He couldn't believe this was happening. Carla was dead. His son didn't have a mother. He looked over at Reese who smiled at him, and Peter feebly attempted to smile back.

"Thank you," he inaudibly muttered to Dr. Halina, who nodded and left the room. Peter looked at Reese again and went to sit next to him on the bed.

"Reese, something very bad happened to Mommy," Peter began. Reese's face remained expressionless. "She was really hurt in the car crash…and she died."

"Can't you fix her?" he signed.

"No, I can't…"

"Where is she?" Reese asked, trying to grasp what his father was telling him.

"She's…she's in heaven."

"Will she come back?"

"No, she won't…She won't ever come back," he signed to his son, who now had tears running down his face. He picked the boy up and embraced him, trying to hide his own tears.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


End file.
